Friday Morning

I am ditching my sister - again - at boot camp this morning. My body hurts and just can't take it. Even so, I feel like an ultimate douche. Sorry, sister.

My Boy Freddy

It is just astounding how immediately one's life, with all of it's monotony and crushingly depressing repetition without improvement, can resume when you return from some adventure. 

Fuck.

Got home on Wednesday, had a nice schmooz with mom when I went to pick up Pete and then had catch-up dinner with Henry and Suzie. And then it started all over again.. work out in the morning, work all day, go to kung fu and feel less than adequate, come home, dread doing it over again. I am, however, enjoying sitting on my couch and coexisting in normalcy with Alex. 

Read The Kite Runner on the way to Florida and The Bedroom Secrets of Master Chefs on the way back. The latter was a gift my sister gave me quite some time ago and I've just not gotten the time to read it. A little Irvine Welsh can spruce up anyone's day :) 

--- Angst warning ---

I had an epiphany or a melt down or a combination thereof today in class. I mean I didn't do anything about it but I just sort of sallowed in it while crankily participating. Kung Fu class for me has now become just dreadful. All it is is pressure. Everything you do is scrutinized. And since I'm never as good as I should be for the length of time I've been practicing, I feel that very rarely am I judged in a positive way. I feel like I can accurately assert when I do things well or don't and the things I don't do well just completely outweigh the things I do. It's awful. It makes me hate going. Hate. And Im just so tired all the time and work so hard, at kung fu and otherwise, and it is simply devastating to not be better. Or not be at least as good as my peers. I am so jealous of my several classmates who have nothing to do but kung fu - don't work, don't go to school - and are subsequently fairly good at it now. I should be at their level but I'm not. I am just not built for this and it's hard to overcome that. I've been on a plateau for like 3 years now. I am at a point where I don't know how to get better, have no mental energy left to try, but don't want to quit because, in the big picture, I still love doing it. I guess the word here would be exasperation. 

The tournament did go well and I guess my forms are better, but in reality my overall kung fu is pretty poor. There is a belt test coming up that I am sure will pass me by since I won't be ready. Won't ever be ready. We tested for our brown belts two years ago and I'm still not ready. And that test was mediocre at best. I don't know what to do. 

However, as they say runners hit a wall when marathoning, it is no secret that brown belt is a stereotypically consistent time for kung fu-ers to lose motivation, to plateau, and inevitably drop off. I won't let myself be that person but this shit makes me more angsty than anything and I hate it. No solution is apparent. 

I also don't want to be that person who pushes throught 'til their black belt test, squeaks by, and then quits. That would be lame. 

Ugh. Gay. 

---

Things I foresaw and am excited about: no more school, two day weekends for the first time in 18 weeks. 

Things I foresaw and dread: the monotony of no school, just toiling at work 5 days a week, week in, week out. Things that will break this monotony in the week include work outs in the morning three times a week, kung fu 1 classes versus kung fu 2 classes versus sparring, and the possibility of my not having to be at kung fu all the time everyday since Henry and Alex are off for the summer. Except Alex has has summer 1 classes. Oh well. 

Long run things to look forward to include making new demos, tournament in July, learning to groom at work, and vacation with the fam in August. 

This post was a lot longer than I intended it to be, but so is my dismal outlook on immediate life. Here's to upwards progress in the future and the patience to wait for it. 

El fin de las vacaciones

So we are beginning our trek home today, will be arriving tomorrow night.

The weekend was, for the most part, a success. Jillian and I won grand champion :) and Alex placed in most of his divisions. He always has at least 3x the competitors we (girls) do, so definite props to him. I wish I could post a video of the demo, but all the videos are on facebook. Our music didn't work right so it wasn't our best demo anyway. :(

Sunday was a lot of fluffing around, watched a couple of our teammates fight, had dinner, watched movies, generally hung out with people I like. Played charades. Monday was Eric's birthday so we hung out with him. A lot of the same of Sunday. Played cards. Didn't stay up too late. That brings us to today.

I miss my puppy Pete!

Slidell, LA

Been a while.

Friday: PT test in the morning (27 : 50 : 23.23 for pushups : situps : run time). Running was weird because I know I averaged around 5.30 for every 6 tenths which put me at like a 19 minute 2-mile run. I know the instructor made the track longer this time but I can't confirm if it was too short last time or too long this time. Anyway, the long run time was 23.23 which is shitty.

Completed finals, got my hur cut, cleaned the apartment, went out to dinner with kung fu friends, came back to the apartment with some of them and got smashed (I don't drink) with the help of banana rum. Pretty yummy. Went to bed whilst most of them were still partying downstairs.

Saturday: Had brunch with the fam (my most excellent Aunt Linsely and only surviving grandma in attendance), got my nails did, got ready to graduate, found poop in my closet. Human poop. Musta been a crazy party! Anyway, Alex drove me to graduation, graduated like a badass (in the Honors college and with Honors), headed home. Went to dinner with the family and some family friends at Saltgrass. Food was pretty good, service was less so. My sister made me a diploma cake which was extra yummy but was sad that it didn't looked like she wanted it to so she made me another one. Silly :)

Sunday: Got up early, did lion dance and dragon dance at the DFW Dragon Boat Festival, waited around for a bit while the boys rowed boats, did some kung fu while people marveled at our outrageousness, waited around for the boys to continue rowing boats, went home and ate the other diploma cake. It was definitely time for a nap. I think the boys took 3rd in the races.

(picture from previous event)

Monday: First day to fuck around in a long time. Fucked around. Eventually went to kung fu and practiced competition forms.

Tuesday: Boot Camp at 5:30am, work all day, practiced forms at kung fu, practiced demo at Master Lee's school, came home around 10:30pm and had a date with our soon-to-be kitty. My mom has encouraged me to get a kitty as a buddy for Pete since puppies are high maintenance. Coincidentally, she encouraged me to do so at essentially the same time a friend of ours is trying to find homes for a litter of kittens. They named the one we want Sanchez. Haha. I may have to modify it (Sancho, Pancho, etc.) but it will probably just be called kitty. Anyway the kitty and Pete had an entertaining time trying to figure eachother out. Pete = wants to play with it, knows it could fuck him up, keeps a distance while following it around and wishing they were playing. Kitty = fuck. hiss. Eventually it calmed downa and played with Alex but Pete was still scary enough not to introduce himself.

Wednesday: Work, leave for Florida! Alex and I are driving. Or, to clarify, Alex is driving whilst I passenge. He enjoys driving, I enjoy passenging. And we're taking his new car (Infiniti G37-S) which I assume we're both afraid of me driving. We drove about 8 hours yesterday and ended up in Slidell, LA. We tried to make it out of this godforsaken state but decided we were tired. Louisiana is really high on the creep meter. Really high.

I'm confident about 3 of my 4 forms for competition, since the 4th I just learned on Monday. Eee. Our demo will hopefully go well. It's not our most prepared, but I think it has a lot of potential.

Either way, the point is I will be staying in an incredibly posh hotel in Orlando, FL (thanks to Alex, since he always pays for this trip. What an excellent boy.) until Tuesday. Only a couple of those days will I be "working" and the rest of the time is for awesomeness. :) Pretty great!

Win.

There's no monster in the lake.

Guia del examen final

My last (and hardest) two finals of my undergraduate career are tomorrow. I will be pretty excited when they're over.

I skipped work out this morning because I just couldn't face it. I needed the sleep. So, sadly, I left my sister to be buff by herself at boot camp and I caught two or three more z's.

To only go to work is absolutely a luxury.

Anyway, I really want to go to work out in the morning so I will try to make that happen. The only hard part will be having to instantly go to my finals, as they're early. Sorry classmates! I will be sweaty.

I am under prepared for these exams. Ha. Oh well.

Pete got a bath and a nail trim and his ears cleaned. He's ready for a hot date.

I'm really tired.

Small Success

The Scale says I've lost 2.2 lbs.... :D! Woo. Yesterday was tremendously difficult towards the end. I think my allergies blew up which for Pete With Feet means asthmatic-ness and a severely decreased intake of oxygen. I did kung fu for 2 hours (:30 and then 1:30) and all of it was noticeably harder than usual. Lame. Anyway.. eating went well.. some little brownies spread throughout the day, a croissant-which, fiber/protein cereal w/ soymilk, string cheese and a couple of different types of yummy juice after kung fu. Didn't count calories, just ate when I was hungry and tried to eat good stuff.

Now, onto today. Pete had diarrhea downstairs and then peed in it so I've got some labor ahead of me before I can go to work.

Boot Camp, 1st day

Today was so fun! We had a new instructor who was hilarious and excellent and makes me do a lot of jumping and arm work - which I need. And my lovely sister was there :D So I had a workout buddy. The workout went a lot faster with someone else there to think about besides myself. I really couldn't believe it was time to go when the hour was up. Also possibly due to the new guy.

I have cute new slippers and flip-flops and a shirt for graduation. Yay. I need new running shoes though. I think they're 5 or 6 years old, which makes them ancient in running shoes years. And the primary reason I want to replace them is that they have a tremendous stench. Just tremendous. I can't leave them anywhere without them getting it stinky. My car is the current victim, even though they're in the trunk.

Demo practice tonight. Woo. I think I'll probably do kung fu class tonight, too, even though tonight is usually my night off. Alex was able to teach for me yesterday and I'm already taking Thursday, Friday, and Saturday off, so I may as well go today and tomorrow.

Work time!

Ball.

So on, so forth

Boot camp semester stars tomorrow! That's good.

I haven't seen my watch in a few days and that makes me sad.

What a busy week with finals and graduation plans and big demos coming up this weekend. I can't believe they're this weekend. Ee.

Two easy finals down, two hard ones to go.

I am Jack's prideful completion of something difficult.

Well, today was the last day of the "semester" of boot camp. I thought the PT test would be today but I guess they only do them on the first fridays and not the last. Guess I'll have to sign up and see what happens next week! 

Today was hard. My legs from the knees down really hurt. And my arms are sore. Which is good. I'm eating recovery yogurt.

No school today! Yay. So it officially feels like summer today. I just have finals next week and then I'm done! Woo. Today is really pretty so far. Been nice to enjoy outside. 

So from the heaviest I've ever weighed at a doctor's office on their fancy electronic scale, to my electronic scale today, I guess I've lost six or seven pounds total. Which isn't very much but oh well. I think I went down about 3 percent in body fat. The best, though, is my improvement in pushups and situps and running and general fitness. I mean that's probably what I got out of this the most. I'd liked to have lost more fat (just like every girl in the world) but uh.. here's to next time. 

Anyway. Here's to more workouts and summer and doing all those fun summer things. Going to Orlando and Seattle and playing with Pete and Alex and my immediate family and doing some fun kung fu stuff and working. I mean working won't be the fun part but I do hope to make some dollars. Wee. 

Ok. Nap time in a bit :D 

Still fat!

In: around 2,000
Out: 3,889
Total: -1,889
(for Tuesday 5/5)

I wish that
A) I didn't feel fat
B) I didn't care about feeling fat
or
C) I wasn't fat.

Oh well. Still am.

a girl and her dog

Tuesdays are my night off from kung fu and, after lounging around the house, I just took Pete for a walk/run/romp. We are sweaty and happy :) He is extra extra droopy. It's a known fact that for some reason he is more of an idiot post-walk than pre, but I think I drooped the dumb out of him this time. Definitely a bonding moment :D

Valley Ranch is bustling at this time of night and we got a lot of attention.

I wish I had a yard.

Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo is actually a funny holiday. Won the battle, lost the war.

Worked out this morning. Burned calories. That's always good. 1,123 out so far.

Pete just ate another pair of my sandals. Damn. I'm usually careful to put all my shoes in a shoe bucket. Oh well. My tennis shoes are extraordinarily stinky today. Like, stinking up the whole apartment. Good thing the shoe bucket has a lid.

My mom delivered my Pete cake to me yesterday :) I had forgotten it at her house on Sunday. It's still yummy! I think it melted in her car so it's a little droopy, but no less tasty for it.

So, and I'm amazed I didn't know this until Sunday afternoon, the Cowboys practice facility crashed in the big storm on Saturday afternoon. Videos make it look like a camping tent blowing over, except it's football field sized.

I mean, I drive by probably an average of 6 times a day, visible from several places on my normal route. Goodness. Of course, it's more interesting and "whoa" in real life now that it's a heap. Unfortunately there was a rookie team practicing in there so some people got injured. One coach is paralyzed =/ Sad.

That's Texas weather for ya.


Onward.

Also

My sister is great - she made a cake for Pete's birthday :)

You can find more fabulousness here. Isn't she talented!

Oh Kitty Kitty

So I just like... hate myself. I work my ass off and watch what I eat pretty closely at least 5 days a week (and the other days are no carnival) and, according to the scale, my weight just fluctuates. Up and down and up.

Godfuckingdammitisofuckingupset. I don't even want to think about it.
I dont want to be fat for graduation. Or dragon boat festival. Or Orlando. Or the summer. This is pictures and videos season and bathing suits season.

At least I feel good, I have no injuries or things holding me back from kung fu, I'm noticing an improvement muscularly and maybe aerobically. Last week was hard and humid so it's hard to say. This is the last week of the first month of boot camp so there will be a PT test this Friday. That should be fun. Even though I won't want to get up early I think I'll sign up for the rest of the summer to complete some fitness goals, like running and doing some kickass pushups.

Werd.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

Pete is one year old today :) What a great puppy! He's the best.

Also, the math didn't lie yesterday.. my fancy scale says I'm one pound lighter than 24 hours ago. That's a win for the good guys. I may or may not do sparring tonight. We'll see.